6 Ways to Biblically Address Bad Behavior in Children

Do your kids feel like this often?

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We have been having a very difficult time with bad attitudes among the children in our home.  They have been arguing, tattling and just plain selfish.  They really do like each other and most of the time you know this, but when they both want the same thing, they’re having a hard time letting go and being selfless.  I had been thinking for a while that it was time to get to the bottom of this problem we’ve been having, but it was overwhelming to wrap my mind around what to do to help them all.  Sometimes I feel like an under paid referee.

Well, today, was the tipping point.  I had a child who was very defiant and selfish, to say the least.  I decided, she needed help and it was time for me to have a game plan.  My other kids need help, too.  They are usually pretty well behaved, but the problems that they keep creating here at home are getting more and more plentiful which is making home life more and more miserable.  That is not the way that God wants us to be living!

So what can I do to help them along the way?

1. Get them alone and talk lovingly, not angrily with them.  When you are angry, they do not hear as well as when they know you just want to help them.  Point out to them what their bad behavior is.
2. Ask questions about how they have been acting.  Try to draw out exactly what is bad in their behavior.  For example, if you have a problem with selfishness as we did today, ask “Are you putting your brother or sister ahead of yourself or are you being selfish?”  My daughter was very willing to acknowledge that she was being selfish.
3. Share Bible verses with them that share how what they were doing was wrong.  Look them up and maybe even memorize them.  For example, with the selfishness issue, we shared Phillipians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves”.
4. Encourage them to embrace a good behavior that the Bible suggests us to have.  Example:  Generosity.  “Honor one another above yourself”, Romans 12:10.
5. Practice what they can do instead.  If you have to role play, do it.  Let them get the hang of what it is they’re supposed to be doing.  After all, how do they know, unless they see it being done?
6. Finally, tell him/her how much you love them!  Give them a big hug and pray with them.  See if they are interested in asking God to forgive them and to help them to not choose to sin like this any longer.  If they offended a brother or sister, ask them to ask forgiveness of their siblings as well.

Godly discipline makes the heart happy!  This picture was taken not long after the one at the top of this post!

Now, the biggest trick to being successful at this, is being prepared!  You can research all the verses and offenses and be ready on your own, but that would be time consuming!  There are several companies who sell charts like these, but my favorite is the one that I found at a Homeschool Conference many years ago.  It is called Wise Words for Moms, by Ginger Plowman.  I’ve had other charts that I found online, but I have found that I love this one the most.  It helps me to speak gently and really train the Scripture into my children, helping to know which bad attitude to take off and which good attitude to put on.  Ginger is also the author of the book, Don’t Make Me Count to Three, which I highly recommend.  It pretty much goes along with this chart, but it’s nice to have the chart separate from the book so it can be easily referred to.

As for the children, I did use the chart on 3 children today with good results.  I’m hoping that it gets less and less, but until then, my aim is to be super consistent, not letting them get away with anything!  It’ll take some time to get them used to my using it again!

Do you have any special resources that you use to train your children when they are behaving poorly?