A New Perspective

 

I began blogging at the end of September, 2011. I had given birth to my baby boy at the end of June and I was feeling very tied down to the chair. He was nursing all. the. time. He was a very needy infant, and didn’t nap unless I was holding him. He cried often. I remember thinking, “if I’m going to be here anyway, I may as well blog”. It was like a light bulb came on in my head.

I began my blog skeptically. I was worried that I didn’t really want to do this and would give up quickly. Instead, it became what consumed my thoughts. I had a very hard time turning my brain off at night. In the past, I remembered thinking that my friend Amy, who blogs at Raising Arrows, thinks too much. Now I completely understand! I, now, think too much!

Even though I still loved blogging, I was getting discouraged. In order to become the kind of blog that I envisioned, I could easily spend all day, every day on the computer and doing projects, trying to gain some exposure. I was also getting discouraged with my home life. Everything seemed hard. I had no desire to do anything. I just did the things I did because of obligation to my family. I complained regularly about not wanting to do anything and how miserable life had become.

During this time, Amy has asked me to join her to the 2:1 Conference. We could share a hotel room and sit next to each other on the airplane. It seemed like an easy decision. I get to hang out with my best friend for a whole weekend and talk about blogging with a bunch of people who actually “get” blogging at the same time? I’ll take it!  I also secretly hoped that it would recharge my battery and get me out of my funk.

I arrived at the conference, feeling a bit like Amy’s 3rd wheel. Amy was a speaker and already knew a ton of people already!  It didn’t help that I was toting along my 10 month old baby boy who just recently became mobile and can crawl anywhere he’d like to go.  Soon though, I felt comfortable and began to get into the groove of networking with other bloggers and meeting new faces.

I was excited to hear the first speaker and knew that I would not get bored, so long as my baby would be good (he did amazing by the way!).  I kept hearing the same message throughout the entire conference, over and over again.  Put God first.  Marriage 2nd.  Children 3rd.  Blog 4th.  Had I been doing that?  No, not really.  In fact, I can think of several instances where the blog came first because I enjoyed working on it the most.  Was I seeking God’s approval?  or man’s approval?  Yes, I’m afraid it was man’s approval.  I know we all get like that at times.  We want to be accepted so badly that we sacrifice what’s important.    No wonder I had been feeling so defeated while I was at home before.  My priorities hadn’t been in place.

When Amy & I were back in our room talking at the end of one of the days, she was quizzing me on what I thought of the conference so far.  I told her that I think I wasted some time and money because I found out I need to quit blogging.  Her look of surprise was priceless.  Although I was totally kidding, I did come to the realization that having this blog is not worth sacrificing my family for.  That should be obvious, right?  I know…it really should be, but when you’re in that lovely funk, sometimes it just isn’t.  But, now that it is obvious again, I’m allowing myself some time to figure out what it is that I should be doing.  What my home focus should be.  What my blog focus should be.  They should mesh together quite perfectly.  So, if it seems like my breaks are lasting longer than they used to, they probably are, but don’t worry, I’ll be back.

While I totally enjoyed each and every session I attended, I’d like to especially thank Heidi St. John for sharing about Time Management and Rachel Carman (owner of Apologia) for sharing about finding our joy.  Before I attended this conference, I had completely lost my joy, partly because I was a horrible time manager.  I’m still not a very good time manager (I’m only a week out from the conference!), but I’m working on it.  I’m aware.  I’m improving.  That’s all that I can do.  You can’t fix a problem unless you figure out you have a problem, right?

In closing, I’d like to share some quotes from the Finding Joy talk that Rachel Carman delivered.

You are about changing the world!  

It’s about raising world changers, not about surviving next week!  (this one really hit home for me!)

When did you lose your joy?

I pray that if you have come close to losing your joy, you find a way to get it back.  The foundation of my joy is my salvation.  The eternal love that I have from our Heavenly Father.  Once you fully embrace that, you can’t help but enjoy life.